Making room for my joy...

I Choose ~ India.Arie

Because you never know where life is going to take you
And you can't change where you've been -
But today, I have the opportunity to choose.

Here I am now looking at 30
and I've got so much to say.
Gotta get this off of my chest,
I've gotta let it go today.
I was always too concerned
about what everybody would think.
But I can't live for everybody -
I gotta live my life for me.

I have reached a fork in the road of my life and
Ain't nothing gonna happen unless I decide.

And I choose
To be the best that I can be.
I choose
To be authentic in everything
I do.
My past don't dictate who I am.
I choose.

I've been through some painful things
I thought that I would never make it though.
Filled up with shame
From the top of my head
To the soles of my shoes.
I've put myself in so many chaotic cirmstances.
By the grace of God
I've been given so many second chances.

But today I've decided to let it all go.
I'm dropping these bags,
I'm making room for my joy.

And I choose
To be the best that I can be.
I choose
To be authentic in everything
I do.
My past don't dictate who I am.
I choose.

Because you never know where life is going to take you
And you can't change where you've been
But today, I have the opportunity to choose.

Release the guilt about why things have been the way they been
'Cause life is gonna do what it do.
And every day, I have the opportunity to choose.

From this day forward I'm going to be
Exactly who I am.
I don't need to change the way that I live
Just to get a man.
Even had a talk with my mama,
And I told her today I'm grown.
This day forward, every decision that I make
Will be My Own.

And I choose
To be the best that I can be.
And I choose to be courageous in everything
I do.
My past don't dictate who I am.
I choose.

And I choose to be the best that I can be.
I choose to be authentic in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am.
I choose.

Because you never know where life is going to take you
And you can't change where you've been -
But today, I have the opportunity to choose.

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 15 step program first!

Lesson 1:

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2:

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and criticize them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3:

A really good way to discover how the long nights with a new baby might feel....

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound playing loudly).
2. Eat cold food with one hand for dinner.
3. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
4. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again with the bag until 1AM.
5. Set the alarm for 3AM.
6. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM, make a drink and watch an infomercial.
7. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
8. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
9. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
10. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work. (Work really hard and be productive.)
11. Repeat steps 1-10 each night. Keep this up for approximately 3-5 years. Look cheerful and well put-together.

Lesson 4:

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Dig up your favorite flower bed with your fingers.
4. Then rub your hands on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. and wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5:

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - 1 hour.

Lesson 6:

1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
3. Finally, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Lesson 7:

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

Now:

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the backseat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8:

1. Get ready to go out.
2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.
3. Go out the front door.
4. Come in again. Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9:

Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10:

1. Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat.
2. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11:

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine-month old baby.

Lesson 12:

1. Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon.
2. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know. you're thinking, "What's 'Noggin?") Exactly the point.

Lesson 13:

1. Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it.
2. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14:

1. Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying, "Mommy" repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four-second delay between each "Mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required.)
2. Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15:

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt sleeve, or elbow while playing the "Mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

...as defined by a dear friend, to whom I fondly refer as my twin, Franklin Veaux:

1. You have to maintain an illusion for the people around you. You can not be honest; you must always have a watch dog running in your head, always alert to some accidental slip or mistake that will reveal the truth. You must always be on guard and can't simply relax.
   
2. You have to censor yourself. You can't answer questions or speak with openness. If someone says "What did you do last night?" and the thing you did last night is go out to a play party with your partner, you must lie, evade the question, or change the subject.
   
3. There are parts of yourself that you must bury far away from the people around you. Every part of yourself you keep secret undermines intimacy with those around you. You can not be intimate and also not reveal yourself; there will always be a limit to what you are able to share with those you keep secrets from.
   
4. You must compromise your own integrity by pretending to be something you are not, or by pretending not to be something you are. You can not be totally honest and also maintain your secret.
   
5. You give the world power over you. By treating some part of yourself as if it is a dirty, shameful secret, you empower and validate the people who believe that it is dirty and shameful. By keeping it secret, you are acknowledging that you believe it is something that SHOULD be kept secret.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I don't do closets; I'm claustrophobic.

Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa : Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja : What like gardening an shit?

MommyMelissa : Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja : Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja : You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa : is that it?

Bloodninja : You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja : Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa : I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja : I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja : I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa : Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja : my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja : Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.

MommyMelissa : ...

Bloodninja : My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa : What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja : Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

MommyMelissa : whatever.

http://www.stanford.edu/~ssha/bcyber.htm

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Among the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
As you lie in fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

Today, a family member forwarded an e-mail message to me.

It started as this "Pied Piper"-esque story about ridding Phoenix of its pigeon problem. I was all set to read the punchline of the joke, until I realized it was about getting rid of all the Mexicans. To put it mildly, I was offended. Not because I'm Mexican (I'm not), but because to me, this kind of joke is the equivalent of telling a black person to go back to Africa, and smacks of "good ol' boy" mentality.



I've also received many e-mails of late detailing our "illegal immigration problem" and how it hurts us as American citizens and we shouldn't stand for it. To put it plainly, I'm tired of them (the emails, not the immigrants, legal or not). There are many perfectly legal Mexican American individuals living in this country, and I hate to see them profiled as illegal and such when they're not. Telling jokes and forwarding things like the messages I've mentioned lead to the propagation of negative stereotypes, to racist thought, and to the exclusion of wonderful people from our lives who otherwise might be a valuable addition to them.



Personally, I embrace a more inclusive worldview. Sure, I may pay an extra $5 or $10 in taxes that ends up supporting an illegal immigrant, but I don't mind that. I think about that person's children, their family, and the fact that my $5 or $10 is helping to put food on their table. I don't really care if their table is in the USA or not. Every child - every human being, for that matter - deserves humane treatment, to be fed, to be clothed, to be housed, to survive. What makes my child/family any better than that of the foreign worker who has fought his way into this country for a chance to provide that?

My hope for the world is that we find a way to love one another, without lines, without judgments, and instead choose to regard our fellow human being through the eyes of true egalitarian brotherhood and compassion.

AN OPEN LETTER TO
MR. JAMES THATCHER,
BRAND MANAGER,
PROCTER & GAMBLE.

February 6, 2007

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought *Grey's Anatomy* was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you f***king kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness-actual smiling, laughing *happiness*-is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just "have " to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

So I'm across the street at my friend LJ's house a couple weeks ago...

Okay, so I'm one who regularly has some pretty fucked up dreams, but this morning's was unique. Right before I woke, it cut to commercial break mid-dream. Now, that's something new. Not only did it cut to commercial break, but I was in the checkout at the discount store at the time, shopping for shoes and dissatisfied with the results. Then, suddenly, this booming 'announcer voice' breaks in with:

COMING SOON! JOHN TRAVOLTA AS ROCKY IN YOUTH GONE WILD!!!

and up jogs rocky, only it's John Travolta circa Welcome Back Kotter or possibly Staying Alive*... He's got the 70's midlength hair... the sweatband on his head... and there's a bunch of kids rolling around in the grass screaming about leeches in the grass. Oh, and Travolta is doing the "Rocky groan" the whole time.

"Euhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

It's really sad when your dream is so UNexciting that it has to cut to commercial.

*Staying Alive was directed by Sylvester Stallone. Go figure.

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.

And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no personal computers , no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If you are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!